um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
