i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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