Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
