The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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