she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it was like eating out sand paper
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
