someone get that fucking seahorse.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
