I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
