This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
