Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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