so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
