how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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