from now on my penis is your penis
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
