you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize