i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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