I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
