The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
