You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
