Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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