Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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