Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
