my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
