Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
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Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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