I just cut my nipple shaving
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
