dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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