I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
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You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You are the jesus of drinking
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