My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
