Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
