Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were trust falling into bushes
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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