she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
