There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
