How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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