You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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