Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
