if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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