I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
