I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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