do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
