She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
