I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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