I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
