i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
