drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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