belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
