Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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