just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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