I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
