do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
