it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
