I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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