If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
