and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
