i think my tv is drunk
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
