there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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