I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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