I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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