You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
