Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
