Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Randomize
