Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His nipple licking is glorious
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