I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
