im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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